Festivus - The Airing of Grievances

First, before I get in to the substance of anything I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year as we close this year. 2013 has brought about a lot of changes for everyone; some good and some not so much so. But the fact of the matter is that we are all here today and that is something to be thankful for. However… before we enter the joyous day of Christmas there is a parody holiday that I would like to observe as it gives me the chance to get some things off my chest.

Festivus

That’s right. Festivus, the Holiday for the Rest of Us. December 23^rd. I won’t bore anyone with the background of what Festivus is, how it was created, or the long running joke about it over the years. I will just say that it was popularized on the television show Seinfeldand has since grown in its cult popularity. Amongst the Festivus traditions there are the Festivus miracles, Feats of Strength, the Airing of Grievances, and a few others.

It is the Airing of Grievances we will focus on here today. Some people have their Best of 20XX, others have Deep Tunnel Awards, as for me there will be plenty of times to go off on something or someone but this is going to be special for 2013. This comes in no particular order and only covers a small fraction of what needs to be said. So buckle up boys and girls because this is going to be a good one. Now will someone please drop that Ether Beat…

Obamacare: *sigh* Really? Even upon its inception this has not overall been a popular idea. But it was one that was rammed through in the late evening hours. Now 3 years later we are on the verge of implementing this thing through a website that barely works and ever since the “fixes” where done after the launch date the security has become even worse. One broken promise right after another seems to be the legacy of this program. Here’s a hint, if you are going to force something on someone at least make the Turd Sandwich look appealing and try to kill the smell before serving it.

HealthCare.Gov: Alright you tech nerds, what the hell? Three years isn't enough to get a website up and running? You have the limitless resources and funds of the federal government at your disposal and yet your product wouldn't even pass a high school IT101 class. If you’re the best the IT world has to offer we don’t have to worry about Skynet becoming Self-Aware anytime soon.

Anyone that said that someone is X-Phobic: Oh you people. I could go off all day on you. Homophobic, xenophobic, or whatever. Please let us explore how you are using phobia. Clearly it means “the fear of”. Your arguments are so incredibly pathetic that rather than argue the merits of a situation you have to raise the Fear Card. That someone is ignorant. Or they need to be “educated”. Well here are a few words for you to consider and explore: Heterophobia. Consitutionalphobic. Traditionalphobia. See I can make up my own words too and I didn't even need chaps exposing my buttocks to do it.

People on the Right that Talk about Low Information Voters TV Habits: So you don’t like the Housewives of Wherever or Lifestyles of the Ratchet and Torn the Hell Up. I get it. But have you seen Duck Dynasty or most programming on the Country Music Station? Just saying: Pot meets Kettle.

People on the Left ABOUT Your TV Habits: Can we please stop trying to push the envelope? If we let you knuckles heads keep it up Elmo is going to be Twerking his way down to Sesame Street. Oh wait... too late.

President Obama: Some people have surmised that you are either the most incompetent president this nation has ever had or you are intentionally trying to cripple the overall status of the U.S. In either event, it is clear you love the perks of the job you’re just woefully under qualified for it. I hate to be the one to say it but being a Poverty Pimp just doesn't make for a halfway decent president.

Poverty Pimps: Speaking of which, Al, Jesse, etc. let’s be honest. If things are as bad as you say they are and you folks have been at this for decades then let’s do your job assessment right now: EPIC FAIL. There is no other way of saying this. Decades of the same old song and dance and by your own standards nothing has changed? That simply means you are really bad at your jobs or you’re reaching at straws to stir the pot. But it’s ok. Not only have you become a shallow joke of what you once were but you continue to fade away in to obscurity, just not soon enough.

Madison SolidaritySingers: First thank you for acting like a bunch of damn fools for all of this time. You’ve certainly helped prove about yourselves what we never could. But please explain what all of the singing, yelling, intimidation, insults, and feeling you are an exception to the law is going to prove? While you consult Segway Boy and a bitter hippie trying to relive the days of the late 60’s in a sad attempt to string together an answer, the rest of us will be getting back to work. Someone has to be the productive members of society. PS: GET A PERMIT!

People Complaining the Current State Government: I’m with you. I’m not happy about a lot of things going on in today’s world, the state of affairs socially in our nation, and with our government. So what are you doing about it? Keyboard Commando complaining and posting memes (that are hilarious BTW)? Making sure you get the latest episodes of whatever? Or are you being proactive within your own communities to effect some positive change? If you cannot do the later then what are you complaining about? You are just as much a part of the problem as those imposing their will on you.

NSA Data Mining Operation: First, why couldn't they get you folks to put the Obamacare website and operation together? Apparently you people have the know-how to get something so monolithic done. More importantly through do you all really need to be spying on US citizens without cause? I mean you could have done like everyone else and just sent a Friend Request and gotten just as much information as you are getting now. Now could you help me retrieve my password to MySpace?

Facebook Posters: Putting a disclaimer on your page means nothing. Rarely are you going to gather 1,000,000 for/against Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo. No one is violating your 1^st Amendment right to posting. It’s a private site. Please not only re-read the terms of usage but if you are so butthurt on any restrictions of social media go out and make your own. That way you can ban and flag posts you don’t like as well and then claim it’s a priva site when someone launches a protest.

Minimum Wage Increase Protestors: NEWSFLASH: A minimum wage job is not meant to be a career. It is not meant to be family sustaining. It is not meant for anyone to live a baller’s lifestyle. It is meant to teach one a work ethic and to learn some skills. If you are entering your 10^th year as a fry cook you either need to start auditioning for the role of SpongeBob Squarepants in whatever movie comes about OR take it upon yourself to learn something new. No one is interested in a $20 Happy Meal (study up on your economics). In either case, here’s a Tweet for your prepaid iPhone: Stop expecting everyone else to supplement your life. #TakeChargeOfYourLife 

Wow, at this point I think I need a moment to take a breather. Sufficed to say, there is a lot to go on about and we could easily carry on the remainder of the year and beyond. However, I think I have aired more than enough grievances to close out 2013 and I have little doubt that 2014 will disappoint any of us. Please feel free to share yours and join in the Festivus activities with your lists of Grievances. As for me I have a 2 year old I need to wrestle in the Feats of Strength.